Life continued to throw
him curveballs, but with Julian’s death, Joshua felt as if he’d finally struck
out. The games of his past were over. There was no looking back.
In the four months since
they laid his brother’s body to rest in the family cemetery at Goddard Downs,
life had fallen into a new routine. Even though all seemed normal, Julian’s
loss echoed in the halls of the homestead, and the hearts of all who lived
there. Yet, despite that fact, some good had come.
The second Joshua’s eyes
met Stella’s at the funeral, he knew that everything between them was going to
change, and it had. Their tenable friendship had blossomed and transformed. She
was no longer just an unattainable desire of his heart, but someone willing to
stand by his side through his battles with himself. And there were battles.
Facing himself wasn’t
easy, but necessary. He had to see the man he’d become, to acknowledge his
faults, if he ever wanted to change them. And he did. Joshua no longer wanted
to be the man who followed but one who led. He didn’t want to go through his life
with no direction, no focus, chasing after fleeting excitements that meant
nothing to him. He didn’t want to be like Sean, but he couldn’t be Julian
either. He had to be himself. First, he had to find out who that was.
Joshua once heard that
the love of the right woman could change a man. He wasn’t sure if that was
true, but as he stood on the tarmac of the Kimberley Regional Airport helipad,
looking into Stella Martin’s brown eyes, he thought it possible. The young woman
came into his life by chance at a rodeo in Alice Springs, and then returned to
it when he came to Goddard Downs looking for a job. Now, as the station’s vet
she’d become more a part of his life than he ever imagined. It was almost as if
she’d always been a part of his life – of him.
“I wish I didn’t have to
go,” Stella said, her hand taking hold of his as a gust of wind send her blond
hair flying about her face. She brushed them back behind her ear with her other
hand and smiled at him. She was beautiful, and the sight of her made his heart
quicken.
Joshua squeezed her hand
as a long breath left his lungs. “I wish you didn’t either, but you have to.
It’s Christmas and your family needs you.”
“I could go at the
beginning of the year. I feel as if I’m abandoning you.”
Her concern made him
smile, and though he wanted her to stay with him for the holidays, he couldn’t
allow her to sacrifice that time with her family. Joshua had a new appreciation
for the love there was in a family. He regretted that it took him so long to
see it. “I wouldn’t want you to do that. You said it yourself, this is the
first time your entire family will be together for Christmas since before you
were born. You can’t miss such an opportunity.”
Stella took a deep
breath, her eyes lowering as she considered what he said. “I know. It’s just
that things between us are just beginning, and the rainy season is coming and
the station will need every hand.”
“The station can manage
two weeks without you.
Joshua
stepped forward. “And with regards to us, I’d say that things are going just
fine. Wouldn’t you?”
The twinkle in Stella’s
eyes made his heart stutter. When she looked at him, he felt bold, as if he
could do anything if she were standing beside him. He who finds a wife
finds a good thing and obtains favour from God.
Joshua blinked rapidly at
the thought. A wife? He’d never had a steady girlfriend, furthermore considered
marrying. However, it wasn’t the first time that thought had come to him since
meeting Stella.
“Are you sure you’re all
right?”
Joshua’s brow furrowed.
“Why would you think I’m not?”
Stella took hold of his
other hand, squeezing them both gently. “Because I know that you still have
guilt over Julian’s death. And that you’re still mourning. That can take a lot
of you. I just want you to know that I’m there for you.”
How could she see him so
well? It was as if she could see through him. Joshua hadn’t spoken to anyone
about his lingering feelings that he was responsible for his brother’s death.
Everyone assured him that it wasn’t his fault, including Janella, who out of
everyone, had the most to grieve over. Yet, she didn’t blame him. No one did.
Joshua simply couldn’t seem to fully embrace that. If he’d been different. If
he hadn’t been so hotheaded and blind, rushing off the way he did and leaving
the family in the lurch, then there would have been no arguments, and Julian
would never have gotten into that jeep in such a state of mind.
“Joshua?” Stella squeezed
his hands again. “I can see it in your eyes, Joshua. Don’t do that to yourself.
What happened to Julian wasn’t your fault. You know that. So did he.”
With a downcast look
Joshua, acknowledge the fact. “I know he did.”
He could still feel
Julian’s hand squeezing his as he lay in that hospital, connected to machines,
barely hanging on to life. He’d made it to his brother’s bedside in time to ask
for forgiveness and say goodbye, but it would never be enough to make them into
the brothers they should have been to one another all those years they wasted.
How they’d displeased their father and family. Most of all, they’d displeased
God with their example. For His anger is but for a moment, His favour
is for life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
“You should get going.
You don’t want to miss your ride.”
“Are you chasing me
away?” Stella questioned, a slight note of laughter in her voice.
“Never,” Joshua replied,
stepping closer to pull her into a tight hug. “I would never dream of doing
that. It took long enough to get you here, in my arms. I’m not letting go.” He
felt her hug him tighter, and the smile on his face grew. “Especially if you’re
going to hug me like that.”
“That seems like an easy
trade,” she laughed. She looked up at him. Though Stella was taller than
average, he still towered over her by several inches, her chin rested on his
chest. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I already miss you,”
Joshua replied. “But the sooner you go, the sooner you get back. I want you to
enjoy this trip. Make the most of the time you have with your family. Make
every second count.”
Stella nodded, errant
strands of her blonde hair falling into her face. “Only if you promise to do
the same.” She released his hand and raised a hooked little finger to his
face.
Joshua hooked his finger
in hers and laughed. “I promise.”
Stella stepped back and
Joshua felt the loss of her body immediately. “I’ll call you when I get to my
parents,” she said, picking up the small suitcase that stood beside her.
“I’ll wait for your
call.”
She raised her hand and
waved before walking away. “See you later.”
“See you later.”
***
Looking into the crystal
clear depths of Joshua's eyes Stella felt her stomach flip-flopping inside her.
His strong arms held her with the tenderness of his affection. She felt safe in
his arms. At home. She couldn't help but smile at the thought as she squeezed
him tighter, inhaling the deep sweet musk of him. Joshua had the strangest,
most wonderful smell to him, it was hard for her to describe when she thought
of it. It was like sandalwood, spice, and orange. She took in one last breath
before stepping away from him. She had to go, they both knew it, but it didn't
make parting any easier, especially for Stella.
Stella couldn’t shake the
nagging feeling inside of her. She knew she wasn’t abandoning Joshua and his
family, but yet she still as if she was. The Goddard family was like her own
now. They’d embraced her and her relationship with Joshua wholeheartedly. Leaving
them now felt like she didn’t cherish that fact. She knew she was being silly,
and that no one thought that way, but the thought still lingered in her mind.
She looked back several
times as she walked towards the taxi stand. She’d called for transportation to
meet her there. Her jeep was at Goddard Downs and she had no vehicle in
Kununurra. She could have called someone in her family to pick her up but she didn’t
want to do that. This time of year was always hectic for them and she didn’t
want to put anyone out.
The bag on her back felt
heavy, despite there being very little in it, only a few tops, two pants, and a
dress for church on Christmas Day. Stella liked to pack light, and she wasn’t
going to be there long. She had no special plans for her trip, only to spend as
much time with her family as she could. She hadn’t seen some of her cousins in
years, and she looked forward to seeing how her parents were settling into
their new home.
The helipad was noisy as
she crossed to where a taxi sat waiting. At this time of year, airports were
especially busy with travellers going to visit friends and family for
Christmas. It was a time when the roads were busier, the shops fuller and the
spirit of peace was rich in the air. Stella loved Christmas. She loved
celebrating in general, but Christmas allowed her to combine her love of the
Lord, and her love for her family. Her grandmother always made Christmas
special and enforced the importance of recognizing Christ at this time of year.
So many were blinded by spending, money, and gifts, that they missed the fact
that Christ came to save them. But, as her grandmother always pointed it, it
mattered less that He was born, but more than He died and rose again for the
forgiveness of sin. Reconciliation with God didn’t come through Christ’s birth
but through His death.
Stella checked the number
on the taxi to confirm that it was her ride. It was. She greeted the driver and
opened the backdoor and stuffed her bag into the seat before turning to give
Joshua one last look. He was standing where she’d left him, and he raised a
hand to her. Stella felt the strings of her heart tug. She wanted to be with
him. She wished they didn’t have to be apart. How had this happened to her?
Five months ago she was fighting this feeling, but now having admitted their
feelings for ne another, it was as if there was no one else in the world who
matched her so perfectly.
I’m going to miss you,
Joshua Goddard. Lord, take care of him and the entire Goddard family while I’m
away. I place them in Your hands. May Your mercy and grace be upon them as they
continue to mourn. May they see the light of Your love even in these difficult
times, and may You show them the way forward as You would have them walk it. In
Jesus’ precious name. Amen.
She waved to Joshua one
last time and got into the taxi. She knew that the Goddards would be well. They
had faith in God and He would take care of them. However, her family was a
different story. How had everyone been faring? Was all well? Or was their
turmoil as usual? Stella prayed that this would be a peaceful Christmas for the
Martins. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as the taxi pulled off.
